A lot has changed in the year since I retired from owning my beloved little shop.
✨ I said goodbye to my furry soulmate Carter.
✨ I got certified in life coaching, leading to a year of healing, processing, releasing, and personal growth like no other.
✨ I said goodbye to my friends, family, and life as I knew it.
✨ I moved into a new apartment in a new province where I only know my sister and her family.
✨ I realized this wasn’t just a small tweak to my business but a full-on fresh start, requiring more than I thought to get myself going.
✨ I swallowed my pride, took my first job in 5 years, and accepted another part-time job today.
And that isn’t even the half of it!
Reflecting on my journey this past year, as we approach the 1-year mark of selling my shop, I realize this has probably been one of the most challenging changes of my life to date—and I’ve been through a thing or two!
One thing I’m being reminded of is that sometimes we need to close a door and say goodbye to something before something new can come in. And it’s not always an easy thing to do.
Recently, I had a meltdown after trying to accept a cleaning job. In my soul, I knew it wasn’t for me, but I had hope it could turn into something more as they saw my value as a businesswoman. They were hoping to grow the business, but I needed to start as a cleaner and see how it went before anything else.
I didn’t want to do it but accepted the position anyway, hoping it could help me get by until I could start working in the office or something more aligned came along.
I was miserable my entire first day. I did not want to be there. I did not want to be in strangers’ houses, in their energy, cleaning. My old repetitive-use injuries flared up, and I asked myself, "Is this worth it?" Everything in my body and soul protested, yet I was determined to at least try it for a day. I came home and cried for two hours straight before going to my other job. I knew I couldn’t force myself to do this job as I had in the past. I didn’t even want the dang job, but the loss of what it could provide me was devastating. It was the light at the end of the tunnel, and the loss of hope gutted me.
I swallowed my pride and let them know I would not be returning to work the next day.
It’s been a few weeks since then...
A few days ago, I woke up feeling like I had completely shifted timelines. The next day, I had an interesting dream…in it were all the people from this job. The woman who hired me, the women I was working with for training, the rest of their team. They were all waiting for me in a restaurant, and when I recognized them, they all congratulated me. “We didn’t think you’d do it this time,” they told me (or something along those lines).
When I didn’t go back to that job, when I recognized I was no longer that girl willing to force herself to work a job that made her miserable and harmed her body, I closed a pattern and a potential timeline for myself.
I said, "Thank you, but goodbye. This is not for me," and I continued on my way, quietly working my business and applying to any job I was remotely qualified for or interested in.
The same day I had the interview for the cleaning job, I stopped by a plant store I’d been wanting to scope out on the way home. I chatted them up, as I do, and it turned out they happened to be hiring. I also happened to have my resume and cover letter on hand, as something told me to keep them with me that day. I brought them into the shop with me, planning to drop one off after I finished my shopping.
I didn’t think much of it after that.
I continued applying and interviewing for jobs.
The owner of the cleaning company reached out to me, as he had a friend looking for an office manager and passed my info along.
I also got a call from the plant shop.
I interviewed and was offered the job on the spot. The days they are hiring for align perfectly with my other part-time job, and the hours and pay rate are pretty close to what I was hoping for. Even better, they sell crystals and want to expand on workshops in the future. I’m excited for the opportunity to help another business thrive and the connections this opportunity may offer me.
I’m hoping these two jobs will be enough to float me by while I continue to rebuild my business. Once I’ve settled in and have an idea of what my schedule will look like, I hope to start slowly expanding what I am able to offer. But I’m also pretty dang happy just to work for a while and slowly pick away at the back end of my business things. Setting things up correctly from the beginning so when I am ready to scale, I don’t burn myself out or make the same mistakes as in the past.
I want to bring this back to the reminder of letting go of something, creating space for something new to come in, and doing your best with what you’ve got in the meantime.
This has been my journey over the last year.
I let go of my store, I let go of my home in Ontario, I let go of myself and my life as I knew it. It’s been a year, and I still feel as if I’m floating around in limbo, but one thing I know for sure is I was a FULL AF container, and I had to make space for new before more new could come in.
Change takes time.
Things don’t always go as we plan or hope.
Life will stretch us and challenge us beyond our limits.
But the growth, confidence, and power we allow ourselves when we come out the other side is invaluable.
Keep on keeping on. Don’t give up. Let yourself let go, don’t hold on so tightly, and who knows how the universe will surprise and delight you next.
Thanks for reading,
I appreciate you being here.
xoxo
Desiree
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